1. |
After You Say Sorry
03:43
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The time to talk about your feelings was last week
Not now while I'm trying to speak
It's not that they don't matter
But they don't really matter in this moment
The time to talk about your feelings is later
Maybe after you've made me feel better
Which we can't do
While we're talking about you, talking about you
I'm not proposing legislation
That you can't talk
In fact I think you should
With someone on the clock
You've got time to work out your thoughts without me
After you say sorry
We can talk about you
Your childhood and what you've been through
How it feels to hear you made me sad
Wow that sounds hard you poor little lad
After you say sorry
We can talk about how
It affected your sense of self
To have to grapple with the harm you caused
After you say sorry I'll grab the gauze
Oh you poor little thing
You sentimental being
I'm so touched that you trusted me with your half formed feelings
Oh you poor little thing
And what stellar timing
You're a rock til I wanna talk not about you about me
The time to talk about your feelings is always
When you're being asked to change your ways
Maybe your resistance to change
Is the dominant player in this challenging phase
The time to talk about your feelings is never
When you're struggling on your own never
You keep it locked up
Like an arsenal
That you can deploy when you're vulnerable
I'm not proposing legislation
That you can't talk
In fact I think you should
With someone on the clock
You've got time to work out your thoughts without me
After you say sorry
We can talk about you
Your childhood and what you've been through
How it feels to hear you made me sad
Wow that sounds hard you poor little lad
After you say sorry
We can talk about how
It affected your sense of self
To have to grapple with the harm you caused
After you say sorry I'll grab the gauze
Oh you poor little thing
You sentimental being
I'm so touched that you trusted me with your half formed feelings
Oh and how refreshing to see
you be a typical man dodging intimacy
From remarkable women who have places to be
After you say sorry
We can talk about where
I touched your heart and it made you scared
Why you don't feel deserving of love
What old patterns this reminds you of
After you say sorry
We can do the work
Of helping you name and then unlearn
What messed up shit your parents did
To make you act like a fucking dick
After you say sorry
After you say sorry
After you say sorry
That's when the good stuff starts
After you say sorry
After you say sorry
After you say sorry
We can talk about you
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2. |
Polyamory Blues
04:26
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I'm sorry I scheduled more time with my other boyfriend
He seemed less complicated 'cause he's new
But then I got to know him
And he's complicated too
And now I wanna spend more time with you
With you, with you, with you, with you
When everything goes crazy
Well I need your lovin' baby
Yeah you, yeah you
Well I noticed you scheduled more time with your other girlfriend
Which seemed less complicated 'cause she's free
But now you're all booked up
And I'm struggling to see
When exactly you'll find time for me
For me, for me, for me, for me
Well I'm just feelin' lately
Like everything's gone crazy
For me, for me
There's only just so many
Fuckin' hours in a day
Sometimes I wish for more
Sometimes for less
And others have ideas as well
About whether I am juggling well
But most the time it just feels like a mess
A mess, a mess, oh bless this mess I guess
Oh everytime I let myself be loved it's like a cry for help
I guess, I guess
Well it's tragic I didn't plan out my life in accordance
With what other people need to feel secure
So I just fuck up
And so do they
And I suppose we'll find a way
To share this life while cutting down on pain
Pain, pain, pain, pain
All the pain we're feelin' is fine if we are healing
But baby are we healin' or are just
Revealing our pain, our pain
Sometimes I get to thinking
I should give up loving humans
It seems less complicated when they're gone
And if I ever got lonely
I'd just make a date with parts of me
Who used to treat me quite badly
But who I've come to like lately
That's me, me
That's me, me
Oh I'm just out here dealin'
While the world keeps throwin' feelings
At me, at me, at me, at me, at me
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3. |
Jessamyn
02:48
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Oh my sweet Jessamyn
We’re sick of men
We’re sick of all of them
And we chat on the phone
Like we did back in school
Nothing’s changed they still drool
Nothing’s changed you still rule
And I’m sorry we
Seem to both need
Help believing in ourselves
And I’m sorry we both have felt
Like we can’t be held
Unless we are less
Like ourselves
‘Cause that’s bullshit
You’re the shit
I’m the shit
Fuck this shit
Oh Jessamyn
Jessamyn
Well I feel like a shell
Of a girl I knew well
Of a girl who knew better
And who went through a lot
In pursuit of a dream
Of a world that was better
And she had a lot of armor
That made her heavy
That made her ugly to some
And she shed it in the water
When she was drowning
Hoping that someone would come
And they didn’t
What a fucking
Prize for compromise
Oh Jessamyn
Well we’re too good at love
To question if we’re good enough
And any time you have a doubt
You call me and I’ll help you out
And if nothing else I’ll make you laugh
And tell you babe that guy is trash
And I’ll be on my way
We’ll figure this out someday
Or at least we’ll dull the pain
With good art and cheap champagne
Oh Jessamyn
Jessamyn
Oh my sweet Jessamyn
We are the saints
We are the martyrs
And the cross that we bear
Is doing the work
In the presence of others
And I’m sorry it’s so hard
But maybe it’s worth
Feeling exposed and confused
And i’m not exactly sure
What it’s all for
But I’m glad I can share it with you
Because you’re the shit
I’m the shit
We’re the shit
Fuck this shit
Oh Jessamyn
Jessamyn
Oh my sweet Jessamyn
You can give me a call
Anytime that you like
We’re gonna be ok
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4. |
Nothing To Chase
04:27
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I always thought I’d be a mom before I turned 35
Now I’m 34 and I’m just struggling to stay alive
I was hoping for a future I could really get behind
I was making promises to all the rest of humankind
Give me something to be hopeful for
And I’ll give you nine months
Of my body and my soul
To build a thing I promise
Will be capable of love
But I worry that’s no different than a sacrifice to gods
Like ancient people did when they just needed a name
And a rulebook for an ever changing, never ending game
I always felt religion missed the point of the race
But it’s true sometimes this humanist has nothing to chase
I can’t offer half the things my parents could when I was young
I was hoping I could make up for it with the things I’ve done
Always wondering if I’ve done enough to earn the love I have
Wondering if I could do half as good as did my mom and dad
Bargaining for how I get to live
The legacy of pain that bought my privilege
Compels me to atone and use my gifts to give
What I can to who’s still here and try not to give in
To voices that aren’t mine telling me things that aren’t true
And a world that makes destructive choices so easy to choose
But I wonder if I had a baby could I watch the news?
‘Cause it’s true sometimes this nurturer can’t feel so confused
And if I turn a corner, if I stop feeling insane
Will I remain in touch with any wisdom from the pain?
I’m scared of being healthy in this unhealthy terrain
But it’s true sometimes this weary soul needs rest from the shame
I always thought I’d be a mom before I turned 35
I still feel like it’s a thing I’d like to do before I die
Burdened with a sense that I can do it all and then some more
Seems I just can’t shake the feeling my dreams are worth fighting for
All we are is what we do and I
Know that I have done my best
I’ve really fucking tried
To juice this life of lessons
To squeeze out every drop
To strain out all the bullshit
And drink a couple shots
So I can feel a buzz while I try to work the room
As a socially acceptable eccentric little muse
But I know that soon I’ll have to learn some chords besides the blues
‘Cause it’s true sometimes this songwriter wants
Something to lose
To lose
To lose
I always thought I’d be a mom before I turned 35
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5. |
Bless This Mess
04:22
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No one did the dishes
It's been a week, that's disgraceful
The faucet was dripping
That's terribly wasteful
There's coffee mugs sticky with liquor and wine
And it's likely the plant in the bathroom has died
I'm ashamed of the state of our house, that's no lie
But I'm also ashamed of the ways that I try
To act like a grown up, when clearly I'm not
So for now I'll give up and just smoke some more pot
And say
Bless this mess that we live in
Oh, bless this mess that we live in
All this shit we don't fix, 'cause we're still 26
And the age when we call ourselves grown ups just keeps getting older and older,
Older and older
There's clusters of rainbows
From the prism in the window
On the gold sheets on the futon
And the bunny-shaped pillow
And the plants that aren't dead yet
And that table we like
And the bong that's not broken
And our LED lights
And I gotta say I'm proud
When I bask in the echoes
Of laughter and good points
And people who let go
And exquisite taste and a vibe that's sublime
But sometimes I worry we're wasting our time
But bless this mess that we live in
Oh, bless this mess that we live in
I just don't wanna clean
And I'm not in my teens
But the age when we call ourselves grown ups just keeps getting older and older,
Older and older
Well I'm scared and inspired and crazy and tired
And the clock just keeps ticking and the arrows keep missing
And I'm worried I'll waste everything I've been given
And someone will find out and tell me it's time to get older and older,
Older and older
But now I've cleaned up
And the apartment is back
And I even unloaded the dish drying rack
And today I'll make spreadsheets
And I'll pay all my bills
And I'll buy a new toothbrush and vitamin pills
And everyone will see, I'm together as can be
And I'll laugh off my worries, compassionately
But I'm still never sure if I'm doing it right
So for now I'll give up and just do drugs all night
And say bless this mess that we live in
Oh, bless this mess that we live in
All this shit we don't fix 'cause we're....
Not 26 anymore but
The age when we call ourselves grown ups just keeps getting older
Just keeps getting older
Just keeps getting older and older
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Rachel Lark California
💕🔥songwriter and love critic🔥💕
creator of Coming Soon: A New Rock Musical
