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There's Nothing Sexy About Christmas

from Hung For The Holidays by Rachel Lark

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lyrics

Christmas bells are ringing
Stores are having sales
This time of year is always such a joy
Families get together
and Santa never fails
to put a smile on the face of every girl and boy

But my love, I need you to know, just because this is my favorite holiday
Doesn’t mean I like it when you buy me Santa’s little helper lingerie

Well, there’s nothing sexy about Christmas
Leave your Santa fantasies
up there in the chimney please
Well, there’s nothing sexy about Christmas
I don’t mean to yuck your yum
but take that tinsel off your bum

This holiday is nothing but wholesome
So why you gotta turn it into Folsom?
Oh leave my Christmas alone.

I’m a kinky lady
and you’re a kinky guy
and I’m down for almost everything you try.
But everyone thinks that everything you like
should be part of every part of your life

Remember how I explained just because I have a cat
Doesn’t mean I like “cat stuff”
So why assume that because I like spanking
I’d be into wearing jingle bell handcuffs?


Well, there’s nothing sexy about Christmas
You know that I’m GGG but get these snowballs off of me
Hey, there’s nothing sexy about Christmas
It’s my favorite time of year but let’s make one thing crystal clear.

This holiday’s about a virgin,
It’s far too easy a perversion
So leave my Christmas alone.

Kazoo solo

If you really wanna make me happy
Let me out of this sleigh unstrap me
Oh leave my Christmas alone.

I’m not squicked out by holidays per se
It’s just that this one is so pure in every way
The most I wanna do is steal a kiss or two
Beneath the wreath of mistletoe at night

Can’t you see that to me you’re sexy in the way you show how helpful you can be
Maybe when the family’s gone away I’ll pull your sweater off and say “Baby fuck me by the tree”

Fine! There’s something sexy about Christmas
Now that it’s all said and done I’m no longer stressed let’s have some fun
Hey, There’s something sexy about Christmas
While we’re cleaning up tonight won’t you tie me in those Christmas lights

When Holiday plans are haunting being sexy is far too daunting
So if you really want me in that elf outfit, wait ‘til December 26th
Just leave my Christmas alone
Leave my Christmas alone.

credits

from Hung For The Holidays, released November 25, 2014
Words and Music By Rachel Lark
Cajon and Sleigh Bells By Matthew "Smitty" Smith
Ukulele and Vocals By Rachel Lark
Mixed and Mastered by Jim Greer at Ninth Street Opus Studios

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Rachel Lark California

💕🔥songwriter and love critic🔥💕
creator of Coming Soon: A New Rock Musical

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