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On the first fight of Christmas my true love looked at me passive aggressively.
On the second fight of Christmas my true love gave to me five cards to sign and a shopping list for our party.
On the third fight of Christmas my true love yelled at me, “You haven’t signed the cards! You bought the wrong nutmeg! I can’t trust you with anything.”
On the fourth fight of Christmas my true love said to me “Let’s not fight anymore.” I said, “Yeah, that sounds great. I hate it when we fight. But I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong.”
On the fifth fight of Christmas my true love said to me “I want a divorce!” I said, “Look you scared the kids. That’s not cool. You do this every year. It’s manipulative and it’s cruel.”
On the sixth fight of Christmas my true love said to me, “I’m rethinking when I said that I want a divorce.” I said, “What else is new? You’re indecisive, but no takesies backsies. I’m calling your bluff this time.”
On the seventh fight of Christmas my true love said to me, “Stop packing your bags. You’re being dramatic.” “No, I want a divorce!” I said, “I’m not your punching bag. You take me for granted and I won’t stand for it. It’s this or it’s therapy.”
On the eighth fight of Christmas my daughter said to me, “Your new apartment blows. Where are your ornaments? Why’d you say to mom, ‘I want a divorce’? I hate my new room. It’s small and so is our tv. And you don’t even have a tree.”
On the ninth fight of Christmas my true love said to me, “You can’t come for Christmas. I would drop the kids off but they say your house smells weird and haven’t they been through enough already since we got a divorce?” I said “Fine, have it your way. Anyway I’m Jewish. I’ll light a menorah on my own for the Holidays.”
On the tenth fight of Christmas my mistress said to me, “Stop calling me your mistress. It’s been over a year. Now things are different and I want a baby. Don’t use your wife as some kind of excuse cause you got a divorce! Are you in or out? Be real with me. I won’t waste my life. If you love me introduce me to your kids.”
On the eleventh fight of Christmas my new love said to me “I think we should have a party with all my friends. You could finally meet them. Gosh, I can’t believe the size of this diamond. Golly, I’m so glad that you got a divorce! Why are you looking at me like that? Come on, don’t be lame. A party would cheer you up.”
On the twelfth fight of Christmas my ex-wife said to me, “Hey, what the fuck!? I thought I’d bring the kids by because for some reason I thought you’d need cheering up but clearly you’ve moved on. Didn’t mean to interrupt such a nice party. I guess we’ll be going.” “Look!” I said, “Don’t go yet. I can explain-” “Oh HI!” said my new love. “You must be Jackie!” “Go inside!” I yelled. “Daddy, who’s that?” “Christ!” I yelled “This really isn’t fair. You said you weren’t coming. You can’t barge in like this and demand explanations. We got a divorce!” “Sorry babe!” I yelled as I slammed the door. “Oh it’s no big deal,” she said passive aggressively.
credits
from Hung For The Holidays,
released November 25, 2014
Words by: Rachel Lark
Ukulele and Vocals: Rachel Lark
Mixed and Mastered by Jim Greer at Ninth Street Opus Studios
supported by 5 fans who also own “The Twelve Fights of Christmas”
What do I say? I love Amanda. She's inspirational, not just her music but her whole personality! This album is fun, serious, heartwarming and inspirational spacehawk.mp3
supported by 5 fans who also own “The Twelve Fights of Christmas”
Despite following tMG since 1996, the full impact of this devastating album was delayed for me - but when it did hit its power knocked me over. Dozens of listens later and I’m still uncovering nuances I’d missed, noticing sumptuous (dare I say!) turns of phrase, and finding excuses to play it yet again - the dishes, a walk - so that I can marinate in the big questions it asks, the small comforts it offers, and the redemption it promises to those who listen closely. Stunning across the board. erinmack
Robins decided to release the recording of his 2016 comedy tour during the Covid-19 shutdown at the behest of fans. Bandcamp New & Notable May 29, 2020
Comedian Chris Gethard’s hilarious new surprise album is devoted to the great state of New Jersey, and the great state of New Jersey alone. Bandcamp New & Notable Dec 18, 2019
supported by 5 fans who also own “The Twelve Fights of Christmas”
This is just HILARIOUS
Everyone on it gave such an AMAZING performance
and Kevin's final appearance? Took me completly by surprise *cheff kiss* MarlaHectic