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Surprise

from Vagenius by Rachel Lark

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lyrics

I met a guy
He was good lookin' as can be
He said "Hi!"
I said, "What? Oh, are you talking to me?"
He said, "Yeah. I like your hair. Say, does it curl the same down there?"
I said, "Whoa! That's kinda fast for me, but go ahead and won't you see if our tongues agree..."

And I was in heaven. It was like a Hollywood film.
And we were electric. I gave in to my weak will.
And he threw his clothes on the bed, and I could see that his dick was the size of my head.
And my eyes grew wide as he grabbed my thighs and I let out a sigh as he eased inside.

And I realized, this is one of the many things they don't teach you in health class
They don't tell you that a penis that size could hurt you if you go too fast.
But why would they?
They don't tell you shit.

Like they don't tell you that an IUD is gonna poke the penis of the guy you're screwin'
And they don't tell you that HPV is just expected with the sexual acts you're doin'
And they don't tell you that when you ovulate
there are these cysts that develop that you can irritate
and then SURPRISE!
Sometimes he'll bust a nut, and he'll bust yours too

I tried to be cool. I figured big dicks just feel this way.
But I couldn't fool him. He stopped and said, "What's going on? Are you ok?"
I said, "No. I'm not sure what's up." I left the room. I grabbed my phone and looked the symptoms up. Sharp pain on the right of my abdomen. Appendicitis was inside of us, lovemakin'.

So I freaked out. Kicked the hottie out of my apartment.
I let out a shout. My roommate heard and said, "What's up, darlin'?"
I said, "I don't know! My stomach hurts! Either god hates girls or my appendix burst!" And she rushed me off to the hospital. I wasn't thinkin' that this guy was responsible.

The doctor asked, "Why do you think that your appendix burst?"
I said, "Because it hurts there, asshole. And webMD gave me the red alert."
He said, "No it's just a ruptured cyst on your ovary, so won't you go ahead home, Miss."
I said, "Wait! Was it because this guy's dick was so huge? I need to know for the future. Should I dodge the splooge of gigantic, gorgeous penises attached to really cute guys? It's kinda bleak, but maybe there's another way, like some new technique I could try?"
But he wouldn't tell me
'Cause they don't tell you shit.

Like they don't tell you that an out of network ER visit will cost you $5,000.
And they don't tell you why you're still in pain even though it's been six or seven hours.
And they don't tell you that when you ovulate there are these fucking cysts that develop that you could irritate and then SURPRISE!
Sometimes he'll bust a nut, and he'll bust yours too.

So now I know, and I have hormonal birth control.
And that means no annoying cysts, so I relax when I make love.
But I'm still not exactly sure, was it bad luck or was the fuckin' what got me hurt?
And since no one takes my question seriously I'm afraid of a guy with a big willie.

'Cause they don't tell you that an IUD is gonna poke the penis of the guy you're screwin'
And they don't tell you that HPV is just expected with the sexual acts you're doin'
And they don't tell you that when you ovulate
there are these cysts that develop that you can irritate
and then SURPRISE!
Sometimes he'll bust a nut, and he'll bust yours too

credits

from Vagenius, track released October 6, 2015

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Rachel Lark image

Rachel Lark San Francisco, California

💕🔥songwriter and love critic🔥💕
creator of Coming Soon: A New Rock Musical

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