I’ve been looking all of my life For that special someone Who fits just right I feel I deserve it I’ve done a lot of therapy It’s clear as day that this would work for me I’ve thought it over I’ve talked it through I know what I’m looking for There’s just one thing to do I’ll tell my wife we need a unicorn Unicorn unicorn A unicorn in our lives To help our sex life survive It’ll be a dream For everyone involved Just us three writhing in a loving ball of kinky sex That we’ll all be good at just cause there’s more of us it’ll improve Yeah a writhing sweaty ball of sex that’s hot to look at No one left out ‘cause we’re all in the groove I’ve seen it work on tv I’ve seen it work on tv Come on baby work for me So now my wife’s on board, yay And we’ve got our list Of rules and attributes and of course her politics We’ll go to a poly happy hour On Thursday at four And once we meet her We’ll lay down the score Here it goes I want a girl who’s attracted to me and my wife Equally so it works out 50/50 every time Mentally stable but emotionally available Good abs and able to fuck us for days I want a girl who’s a gymnast, why not? She has her own amazing friends but doesn’t date any of them She finds our remarks extremely wise Laughing at our jokes and saying “oh my god, you guys!” If she volunteers with orphans that’s cool Pursuing her phd in global finance Her sweat tastes like rainbows and her nipples are stars We never have to argue she’s emotionally smart We want a girl who’s available Not next wednesday, but the wednesday after from like 2-4:30 And preferably somewhere in the mission, ‘cause that’s where I work but actually if she wanted to just meet me at work we could add like 15 minutes of hangout time just getting to wherever it is we’re going And when we spring it on her that New Year’s should really be just us She’ll be like "totally, that's fine thanks for taking care of yourselves" And when we tell her that we feel that she hasn’t been putting in the work She’ll be like "totally, you guys are everything to me, I get that your connection is the focus here so I will do my best to adapt Just please keep fucking me" And then we would! And now we’re seeking The unicorn of our dreams But we haven’t really been impressed with what we’ve seen Just regular people Everywhere we viewed And all the poly message boards have frankly been rude They call us rookies They call us naive I think they’re just jealous, they don’t like what they see They don’t want us to have our Unicorn unicorn unicorn A unicorn all our own They want to hide us from their Unicorns unicorns unicorns We want one that we can take home It’ll be a dream Stroking her unicorn hair She’ll stay in the guest room ‘Cause she knows it’s hard to sleep when she’s there She’ll be the best sex toy, I mean person, that we’ve used I mean been with, I mean it’ll be great We can show her off when we’re in the right context And when we’re not we’ll just have sex and skip the date I’ve seen it work on tv, I’ve seen it work on tv Come on baby work for me And be my unicorn

Do you wanna be my manager? Tell me what to do while you use me up Do you wanna pay me? Do you wanna use me? Do you wanna rip me off? Well, you got me all kinds of vulnerable I'm helpless just like you like it You're playing games baby it's your go Good thing I like it when I'm bein' fucked Do you wanna be my supreme court judge? Hold me down while you get it up Do you wanna own me? Do you wanna rule me? Do you wanna lock me up? Well, you got me all kinds of vulnerable I'm helpless just like you like it You're playing games baby it's your go Good thing I like it when I'm bein' fucked You got me all kinds of vulnerable I'm helpless just like you like it You're playing games baby it's your go Good thing I like it when I'm bein' fucked Yeah it's so much fun to play around with these traps you set for me Yeah you know I like it when you shut down the power left in me Yeah I'm stretchin' all my metaphors 'til I got the floor 'til I got your attention more Now what do you do now? I'm talking to you now? What do you do with me now? Do you want me to shut up? Do you want me lay down and take it? Do you want me to like it? What the fuck do you want? What the fuck do you need to stop fucking me? When are you gonna stop fucking me? Do I close my eyes? Do I smile? What do you want? Should I calm down? Do you want me to laugh? Do you want me to turn away? Think you can fuck me until your mother loves you? What the fuck do you want? What the fuck do you want? What the fuck do you want? Do you wanna be my president? Strokin' your ego 'cause you got no dick Do you wanna grope me? Do you wanna shame me? Do you wanna shut me up? Well, you got me all kinds of vulnerable I'm helpless just like you like it You're playing games baby it's your go Good thing I like it when I'm bein' fucked You got me all kinds of vulnerable I'm helpless just like you like it You're playing games baby it's your go Good thing I like it when I'm bein' fucked

A fog weighs heavy on my cheer this year The dawn is a challenge to make it clear The drugs don't work the same this year I'm getting old I'm lame this year I haven't felt that thing I fear I haven't shed a single tear I need you to sit down right here Hold me, lend me your ear Tell me why do we work so hard Make ourselves so goddamn uncomfortable Will it all fall apart? I'm thinking deep, like I'm wise and I'm humble at the same time Something needs to make sense At least at the sunrise with my best friends Give me a lesson I've been so self involved this year It's gross. It's getting hard to steer My judgement has devolved this year In fact I'm not what I appear to be in this inthralling sphere, I am a statue, a snowy deer Caught in the headlights of this year God damn you, fuck this god damn this year Tell me why did we work so hard Make ourselves so goddamn uncomfortable Will it all fall apart? I'm thinking deep, like I'm wise and I'm humble at the same time Something needs to make sense At least at the sunrise with my best friends Give me a lesson What lesson is there? There's love What lesson is there? There's fun It's not a statement. It's just stuff you can have sometimes if you're lucky What lesson is there? There's drugs What lesson is there? There's art Take 'em and make 'em and share 'em and make us all feel better I'm gonna make a change this year I'm heading to another tier I won't leave all these lessons here I'm packing up my hopes and fear I won't leave through the atmosphere I'm staying put. I'm grounded here I'm hopeful that some rest is near I'm ready to start next fucking year Tell me why do we work so hard Make ourselves so goddamn uncomfortable Will it all fall apart? I'm thinking deep, like I'm wise and I'm humble at the same time Something needs to make sense At least at the sunrise with my best friends Give me a lesson Give me a lesson Give me a lesson Something needs to make sense At least at the sunrise with my best friends Give me a lesson

Well the world’s really fucked but this show will be pretty good You might be asking yourself Why do anything at all? The world is big and fucked and you are weak and small Well, I ask you to ponder this? How do you wanna spend your last days? Well, all the cool kids I know are fighting as we go down in flames As we go down in flames As we go down in flames It’s fun to spend an hour Fighting those in power Making art that says shit Helping those who need it Who knows if it matters at all? What you do with your time is your call Yeah the world’s really fucked but this show will be pretty good You might be asking yourself How will it all end? Will it be a nuclear bomb? Or just a long slow death full of inequality and fewer species? Well no one really knows We haven’t seen the end of that show But hey, speaking of shows, this one will be pretty good So as we go down in flames As we go down in flames It’s fun to spend an hour Fighting those in power Making art that says shit Helping those who need it Who knows if it matters at all? To make music with you all Yeah the world’s really fucked but this show will be pretty good But speaking of the world You shouldn’t worry too much For all we know this planet’s here for cockroaches and molten sludge And we are just a byproduct of some cosmic debris And no one really cares at all but little old you and me So as we go down in flames As we go down in flames It’s fun to spend an hour Fighting those in power Making art that says shit Helping those who need it Who knows if it matters at all? To hang out and party with you all Yeah the world’s really fucked but this show will be pretty good Now with all that said You should all do more I mean, “should” is a funny word But what I’m saying is you’d be a cooler person if you did more stuff So let’s open up the border And end racism and patriarchy Yeah the world’s really fucked but this show will be pretty good So as we go down in flames As we go down in flames It’s fun to spend an hour Fighting those in power Making art that says shit Helping those who need it Who knows if it matters at all? What you do with your time is your call Yeah the world’s really fucked I mean seriously holy shit like it’s a fucking disaster and like how do we even know like how we’re contributing to this planet like maybe our existence is harming more than it’s helping and like if that’s the case then like, how do we justify even just waking up in the morning let alone extending our existence by having more children i mean like, what is the goal here, like, where are we heading? And if it’s not somewhere good then like how do we even justify it, I mean our carbon footprints alone are like really hard to even answer for and so it’s like really important that we just try our hardest to make this existence mean something and do something with the very little amount of impact that we’re able to make I mean holy shit you guys like wake up, holy fuck we have to DO something but then again it’s like we have to take care of ourselves and so we have to like rest and we have to spend time with the people that we love otherwise we’re just too burnt out to make a difference so we just have to wrestle this like uh uh uh what do I do with myself each day every day it’s like a fucking struggle to figure out wh-how do you spend your time well and how you care about what you’ve done and how do you feel good about being on this planet when so much harm is being done in our names and for our own material benefit, I mean jesus christ But this show will be pretty good